Taking Emotional Responsibility in Sport: Why It’s Empowering, Not Blaming

When things go wrong in sport — a dropped ball, a tough loss, or a coach’s criticism — it’s easy to feel that our emotions are completely determined by what happened. But in Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy (REBT), psychologist Albert Ellis suggested that it’s not the event itself that causes our feelings, but the beliefs we hold about it.

Ellis explained this using what’s often called the ABC model:

• A – the Activating event (for example, losing a match)

• B – the Belief about that event (“I’m useless,” “I’ve let everyone down,” “I’ll never improve”)

• C – the Consequence — how we feel and act (frustrated, ashamed, withdrawn, or motivated to quit)

  
  

As Ellis put it:

“People are not disturbed by things, but by the views which they take of them.”(Adapted from Epictetus, and a core principle in REBT.)

This doesn’t mean we should ignore the difficulty of what happened. Adversity in sport is real. A harsh comment from a coach can sting. A long-term injury is genuinely tough. Emotional responsibility isn’t about blame — it’s about recognising where we do have influence.

When we notice and question our beliefs (“Does making a mistake really mean I’ve let everyone down?”), we start to take partial responsibility for how we feel. We can’t control everything that happens in sport, but we can work on the beliefs that magnify distress or reduce confidence. That’s where change becomes possible.

Imagine a young rugby player who knocks on the ball right before the try line.

• Activating event (A): Dropped the ball at a crucial moment.

• Belief (B): “I’ve ruined the game for everyone. The coach won’t trust me again.”

• Consequence (C): Feels embarrassed, avoids getting involved in play next time, loses confidence.

  
  

If that player can learn to challenge their belief — “Everyone makes mistakes; I can recover and contribute in the next play” — their emotional response changes. The disappointment is still there, but it’s less consuming, and they’re more likely to stay engaged and bounce back.

That’s emotional responsibility: understanding that while we can’t change every event, we can change how we interpret it. And in doing so, we often regain confidence, focus, and enjoyment in sport.

Takeaway

Recognising that beliefs influence emotions isn’t about minimising hardship or assigning fault. It’s about giving ourselves — and young athletes — the tools to respond more flexibly and resiliently when challenges arise.

If you or your child are finding it hard to manage emotions around sport — whether it’s frustration, confidence dips, or handling pressure — psychological support can help. Through approaches like REBT, we can work together to build more balanced beliefs, stronger resilience, and a more enjoyable experience in sport.